Planning for your fourth trimester recovery
Prompts to start some helpful conversations to have with your partner when planning your post birth recovery.
What do you need to be able to support me
In hypnobirthing one of the roles of the birth partner is ‘keeper of the cave’. This role is all about ensuring that you have safe, protected space to deliver your baby. Ideally this role continues long after the birth and they have the time and space to provide that deep care and support for you. Making sure that you are given the space and time you need to heal from the birth.
This is a huge role and to do it well, they need to be feeling well, supported and having their needs met.
I would encourage you to have a conversation about what they might need to be able to best support you. A close friend to talk too, ensuring their basic needs are met - food, water, rest, getting out of the house.
For my partner Steve, this was getting out for a short run most days to recharge, get some time out of the house, and process the huge changes he was experiencing. Knowing that, that short run was keeping him going meant I was able to feel gracious about him getting some time away.
It is highly possible that in the early weeks and months you will be experiencing things very differently. Showing each other grace and compassion can sometimes feel very hard. It isn’t always fair. Having respect for each other and what you are trying to do, will help you to stay close.
Things that will lift my spirits
Think really carefully about the small things that will make a shift in how you are feeling. The world can often look and feel like a very different place after a quick shower, the opportunity to reset and reframe.
Small acts of kindness can really lift you when you are feeling low. Tea and hot buttered toast appearing in the morning after a long night made me feel loved and noticed and really made all the difference.
Taking the time to think about what would make a difference to you, writing it down and sharing this with your partner, or whoever will be closest to you during your period of recovery will help them to help you.
You might like to consider some of the following for your list…
Freshening up your space - fresh sheets, fresh air, tidy the surfaces
You having the chance to freshen up, a warm bath, nice body oils, clean clothes, clean teeth, style your hair
Having a brew and some toast brought up to you in bed after a long night
Someone taking the baby for a walk for a short time so you can rest, I would really recommend considering this if your baby is colicky and you are spending lots of time with them while they are upset.
A foot rub.
A nice view, somewhere really comfy to sit and watch the world go by.
Uplifting music.
A call with a close friend.
Good snacks - especially important at night. Your favourite drinks and biscuits on hand to keep you going through a long night.
Listening to a podcast that makes you laugh - I really recommend Parenting Hell by Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe
A warm wheat bag / hot water bottle brought to you to soothe any aches and pains after the birth. Or to place around your shoulders, the early days of motherhood are very hard on the back and shoulders. Feeding, rocking, changing nappies, so anything to soothe and ease any tension there is a good idea.
Foot soak in some magnesium salts.
Houseplants that you love to look at, brought into the space you are spending the most time in.
The gentle rhythms of the day, having a gentle shift so you know that evening/morning is coming - change in the lighting - change in music.
Who are the people we want around us during this time of transition?
This is a really important thing to consider ahead of time, who are the people that are most supportive, helpful and caring?
Are there people who will want to visit but bring drama, tension and worry?
Talk together about who is welcome and who isn’t in those early days.
Set expectations with those close to you about what you will be doing after the birth.
Handling this before the baby arrives, means that you are both free to enjoy that early time together, without worrying about other people's opinions.
Please remember that you will both be vulnerable during the early days. The transition to becoming a parent is huge. If there are people whose opinions and comments are hurtful to you, or they are likely to bring lots of negativity or drama, plan to keep contact with them limited.
How will we handle any visitors?
Do you want to have a code word that means I’m shattered, let’s wrap this up?
Do you want to have a time of day when people are welcome?
Invite everyone round at once?
Have no one into the house for a period of time?
If you are planning to breastfeed, do you feel comfortable feeding in front of people? How will you manage this?
Is there a list of things that would be helpful for visitors to know in advance? Things they could bring? Are there any meals you really love, could they bring them? Small tasks around the house that would really help, washing up, taking the bin out as they leave, folding some washing?
Please remember that most people would love to help you. Especially those who have had children recently, they know how hard those early weeks can be.
