Golden Month Planning
Matrescence
Welcome
Becoming a mother is the biggest rite of passage most of us experience.
Pregnancy can often be spent thinking about the physical aspects of birth and the practical planning for when your baby arrives.
However the intention behind this short guide is to support you to begin to consider your Matrescence (the process of becoming a mother). To consider the emotional aspects of this transition.
This space for you to start to acknowledge all the changes that you will experience (and/or are already experiencing) as a new mother, stepping into a new identity and coping with lots of change.
Because you are the only ‘newborn essential’ that your baby will actually need.
So let’s make sure you are feeling as strong, supported and cared for as possible as you enter into this new season of your life.
So if you’d like to, give yourself some time, get really comfortable and have a think about the following few prompts/questions.
You can work through this, online, or you can download a free workbook to record all your thoughts and ideas.
“The moment a child is born, the mother is also born.
She never existed before.
The woman existed but the mother, never.
A mother is something absolutely new”
— Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh
Part one
Expectations & the reality gap
Every mother I have met has experienced the gap.
This space between what we thought it would be like and what it is actually like.
Often motherhood is portrayed as something that will only be fulfilling and joyful and where (as mothers) we will have endless reserves, patience and compassion. That bonding with our baby will happen instantly and powerfully in a strong rush of love. Intuition gets spoken about often, that we will have a ‘knowing’ about what the right thing to do is. That it will flow ‘naturally’ to us.
It can be helpful to spend some time getting curious about what your expectations are? Do you expect for motherhood to flow to you naturally and effortlessly? What are your expectations of yourself and are these expectations realistic? Would you ask them of your friends?
If you were to accept that you will be brand new at this (or new to mothering this baby), that you will be making mistakes and needing lots of help and support along the way, might you plan differently?
Part two
(Re)connecting to your body
Your body will have shifted and changed over the last nine (ish) months. It will continue to do so. It may not feel like ‘yours’ for a while. It might not feel comfortable for a while. It might never have felt comfortable to you.
You deserve to feel at home and comfortable in your skin. You deserve to be celebrated. Your body deserves care and attention and healing.
This is an opportunity for you to reclaim that relationship to your body. A brand new identity, a fresh start, the very beginning of a new chapter.
Traditional healing practices talk about postpartum as a moment of powerful restoration. Both Traditional Chinese Medicine and Ayurveda speak about postpartum as a time for deep healing that can go beyond the healing and recovery of birth. An opportunity to have a lasting impact on your physical and emotional health.
So what might you choose to do for your body? How will you deeply nourish and care for yourself after your birth experience? Beautiful fabrics that feel luxurious on your skin? Your favorite foods? Cushions, blankets and all things cozy? Wheat bags for your shoulders after a day (and night) of rocking baby? Massage? Baths? Gentle yoga practices like yoga nidra? The most beautiful oils? Opportunities for rest and relaxation?
Start to collect those things for yourself now. Have them in the house, start testing them out. Discover what makes you feel special and cozy and comfortable. What makes you (and your body) feel really special.
If it is feeling hard to gift yourself rest, nourishment and kindness, what or who might help you to take the permission to treat yourself with compassion and love?
“Giving birth and being born brings us into the essence of creation, where the human spirit is courageous and bold and the body, a miracle of wisdom.”
— Harriette Hartigan
Part Three
Gifting yourself time and being a beginner
We can sometimes expect that we will have motherhood all figured out straight away, or within the first few days / weeks. When if we were to get curious about this, they say the right job should take around a year to get to know. This is more than a job. You will need years to find your feet.
Be generous with yourself.
Carol Dweck wrote a brilliant book called Mindset. In it she talks about a ‘fixed’ mindset and a ‘growth’ mindset.
A ‘fixed’ mindset is where we believe that humans are either good or bad at something and each situation is a test where we will judge ourselves to be good or bad.
A ‘growth’ mindset is where we believe that everyone has a similar(ish) ability and each situation is an opportunity to learn and improve.
It’s a brilliant book and this is a massive oversimplification. However, I’m including it here as the growth mindset is a much more fun and enjoyable way to move through life. The fixed mindset leads to comparison, negative self talk and pressure.
I am encouraging you to give yourself the grace of a beginner. To accept that you will be learning and growing and making mistakes.
So maybe you could think about something that you do beautifully now and remember all the time it took you to arrive at this state of being experienced and doing it with ease and grace. It probably wasn’t an overnight experience.
Download the full guide
Download the full guide
If you’d like the full workbook with prompts and an extra four parts not listed here please share your details below.
You’ll receive an email each month about matrescence.